Friday, May 22, 2009

Who remembers this.....

It's been just about a year....


Wednesday, May 06, 2009

The trip home.....

was mixed for me. It was nice seeing people and the town, but sometimes (more often than not) my family dynamic is so off it just frustrates me. I honestly thought 5 months gone from certain people would have been long enough to at least warrant a hug or a hi, guess not.

I wish and hope that some of the relationships I keep will change, I attempt to change them, attempt to accept them but neither seems to happen. Maybe these relationships are so set in a screwed up way that change is impossible for them, maybe this is how they are to be, I am not sure. I do know however that I cannot and will not keep up always being the "trying" one. The one that makes the effort, the phone calls, tries with the hugs. I just don't have it in me to do so anymore.

I am having iron problems again, in tandem with girlie problems and really needed my family to talk to, bounce things off of and just be with. Most of the family was there to talk, listen, try to understand. The one person I needed wasn't. She always pulls away. I am always the one to over react, it's hard. She's the one person I need to tell me it's going to be okay, give me a hug and a kiss and let me know she's there- and it NEVER happens.

It's going to be quite a long time before I come back to visit. I'm okay with that now.

I'll get pictures up here soon.