Sunday, March 25, 2007

Verbal affirmation

we can know it, feel it, see it
but why it is so damn important we have verbal affirmation?
it's there, right in front of us,
but no we need to hear it

are we less if we don't hear it?
are we half, three quarters
no, still whole, still there
and we still feel we need it

someday maybe we wont
but until that day comes we will always feel less
because of that damn thing we need
verbal affirmation

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Had an amazing set of conversations last night with a couple of friends (and by friends I mean the people you can always count on, the one's that call out of the blue to find out what's been going on, the kind that can look at you and tell something is wrong). Our talks stemmed from dreams, chicken, self image, loving yourself and others, people you can count on, dreams, goals, loves and hates. Commonly we were all a bit unnerved when the topic of "people's self importance" came around.

Isn't it interesting how you can sit with certain people, and never be asked how you are doing or whats new? From minute one the "conversation" is dominated by what they are doing, going through, observing, but never once are you asked what's going on in your life......

There are times and situations when letting someone just ramble because they need to are warranted, but when it is an every time kinda deal, it starts to get very heavy on the mind and the heart- why am I not important enough to be included in the conversation, why am I always being used as a listening device, but never "allowed" to ramble when my life warrants it?

I have come into contact with these types of people my whole life. And it always ends up frustrating me. I am not a loud person, I will not interrupt what you are saying to inject my 8 million cents, I will however walk away when I have had enough, when the attention to the other person or persons doesn't turn to anyone but themselves, when I find myself losing interest in what is being said, because of their self importance.

We know that these people are all over in the world, but some manage to slip into our daily routines, into our minds and hearts. After a while, our emotions overthrow all logic and we are upset that we have become shells around these people, that we are always used and never given the option to use when we need to. How in the heck do we let that happen?

The discussion group I was with last night are two amazing people, so different but similar in all the right ways. Both care with their entire being, both immensely spiritually tuned into themselves and the people they are close to, both emotional, both wonderful.
I need both of them to understand how important they are in my world. Genuine interest and love among friends is such a hard thing to find, and you two rock at it. I wish both of you the best in your life journeys you are going through right now, but I know in my heart you are going to come away from all of it on top. On top of the world, on top of your troubles, you will triumph and I can't wait to see you do it!

I love you two very much, and I am so blessed to have you in my life.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Okay Apj's got me goin again!

Write exactly whats in your head and don't change it..

1. My 'ex' is still.... so lost it isn't funny. I do hope he figures it out someday.

2. I am listening to.... Loggins and Messina- House at Pooh corner- one of my favorites!

3. Maybe I should.... dance around in circles

4. I love....smiling it feels so darn good!

5. My best friend(s)... drive me nuts at times but damnit if I don't love them!

6. I don't understand..... self destructive people, keep it simple babes

7. I've lost my respect for..... certain aspects of certain people. Treat others as you wish to be treated, pretty easy eh?

8. I last ate...... half a mushroom jack burger and it was yummy!

9. The meaning of my display name is.... me, plain and simple!

10. Love is.... everywhere, sometimes you just have to look for it!

11. Someday.... I will accept things as they are, listen to my heart, and say what I need to when I need to!

12. I will always.... look for the good in people and things

13. Love seems to be.... a super scary thing

14. I never ever want to lose.... my self respect

15. My mobile phone is.... imaginary, I don't use it any longer

16. When I woke up this morning.... I wanted to just stay in bed

17. I get annoyed at/with.... any number of the following: people that refuse to accept responsibility, people that do not use turn signals, cats that pee on everything, things that are unusually loud.

18. Parties…. are fun, but I'm not a big party animal

19. My pets... she's a nut case, and I was told we look alike! LOL

20. Kisses.... are a favorite thing of mine

How 'bout you?

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I am not a photographer, nor do I try to be. But every once in a while I snap a photo or two I am pretty proud of. These are the two I recently took that I think came out pretty neat. These are of a fountain full of raw opals I was given as a Christmas present this past year. I love this fountain, so calming, so beautiful- just plain amazing! Enjoy! :)

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

APJ got me started again.......

Your Personality Cluster is Extraverted Thinking

You are:

Organized and logical - a master at puzzles

Competitive in almost any arena of life

Objective when necessary, but passionate about what you truly love

Intolerant of excuses and incompetence

You Are Ruby Red

You are warm and inviting - yet a little wild and outrageous.

Well aware that you have a dual personality, you work it as much as you can!

You like for people to be comfortable around you, but not at the expense of you stealing the limelight.

Popular and well known, you make friends easily. You have your big personality to thank for that.

Your Stripper Song Is

I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred

"And I'm too sexy for your party

Too sexy for your party

No way I'm disco dancing"

Yes, you're super sexy. But you never yourself too seriously!

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious.

That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep.

Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily.

You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others.

You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves.

You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Rogue- my take

This was my first ever experience with a festival, let alone the Rogue. I fell into this festival while having drinks this past summer, and like I said in previous posts no one could prepare me for the magnitude of this great event. The variety of shows, the areas the performers come from the whole festival is just crazy amazing.
I loved volunteering. It was really neat to hear people's takes on various shows, seeing the artists get nervous or even a bit nutty prior to a performance. I got to see everything from the front and "back" stage views. Ashtree is an amazing gallery- wonderful art, and a great venue for intimate audiences.
I was only able to see three shows, but able to hear many more from my post outside of the gallery. Jag Bennett's solo comedy is awesome, Naked guy Kevin and Co. (although he wasn't naked!) were out of this world, and RP, Lecram and Nate were a fun Friday evening nightcap. All three shows so very different, but so very awesome in their own right.
Met some great people through SSM. Old friends to him, hopefully new ones to me! :) It was a pleasure meeting you all, so nice to meet people with smiles! :) The whole festival was great and as tired as I am, I am so very looking forward to getting started on next years festival now!
I hope next year's be a bigger success than this year, fewer snafoo's, more laughs, more talent, more VOLUNTEERS! :P
Everyone that busted their rears on this- you are all amazing. It's great to see a community of people come together like this to produce something as awesome as this was!
So this week I am out for the count, need some major snuggle time with my couch and cat, as I do believe they both missed me like crazy!
Congrats Rogue 2007 performers, directors, volunteers, venue managers, accounting persons, owners of venues, patrons, everyone for making my first Rogue experience pretty damn neat!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Yowza, that was fun! :)

I had one hell of a time with Rogue this year. It all started for me this past summer, hot meetings at Liparis, handing out sponsor packets, more meetings, building stages, running various errands, taking tickets, helping with money, seeing shows. It was awesome. I got a little taste of all that is the Rogue. I met some amazingly talented performers, some super dedicated fans of the festival, and some just really nice people and patrons.
The dark circles have started to fade, but having them were a "badge" of honor- if you will- for how much fun I had. Early mornings, late nights, running around- it was so worth it. I loved seeing performers walk outside of their venue's with HUGE smiles on because of the crowd they had inside. That is what it is ALL about!
This was my first festival and although I had so many veterans describing to me the events, I couldn't have ever been prepared for what I witnessed. I'm still taking it all in. After the stressers and what not that I was a part of this past year, I can't wait to get going on next year's festival.
That's all I've got for right now, more later! :)

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Writers Note

I got a very interesting look from a few people about my last blog. I am fine, I promise. I had a mighty stress filled last weekend, and needed to vent.

No I am not upset anymore, nor am I irritated for the moment. All is well, Rogue is rockin, Thai food is super yummy and warm snuggles make me smile.

I am looking forward to seeing a few shows later this week, as I have only been able to listen to them from out side of the Ashtree Studios. (Yes, Lecram I will get my ass to your show at some point in time.)

But, for the moment I need to give some serious attention to Mr. Jag Bennett. He again sold his show out last night. We were turning people away. Jag- you rock! I am so excited for your success with your show! You should be grinning ear to ear. I can't wait to see your total numbers! Congratulations sweetheart! Your hard work paid off!

Mustang, It was so nice to see you last night, you always make me giggle!
APJ- I love you and your tata's. MEOW (But really, get a skank tank and show those babies off with me! ) :)
SSM- you big goober, me now talk like cave man- *grunt*
Kien- I can't wait to see your show! (or at least hear it from outside). You are a funny funny man!

So yeah, thanks to those people that seem to always be a smile and a hug when you need one. Tonight is a late night for SSM and I at Ashtree- so come see a few shows!


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Being in the back seat, behind the scenes, out of the way is where I prefer, but being totally invisible, not quite my cup of tea. I help you out, listen to you vent, help you with things both physically and mentally, and yet I become invisible.

You ignore my thoughts, wishes and hopes because they aren't as important to you as your drama, you are upset when I fire back, when I decide I can't take anymore of it but a few days later, here you are requesting from me what I cannot yet give.

Someday I hope someone treats you as you treat me and that you despise the feeling Then you might have a tiny clue of how it feels to not have the World spin the way you think it should, not to be able to call the shots, to be used and tossed aside to be invisible.