Today I officially put another cap on- I am now a student again. I couldn't be happier and now it's time to rock it. This semester is one class and I'm good with that. I really need to get back on this horse slowly.
I've been mulling around a conversation I had a couple of weeks ago with a friend. We were talking about a class she is taking and one of the comments made was that there is no such thing as unconditional love. That even as children we are conditioned to know that when we are good we are loved more than when we were bad. And on top of that that most people lie and aren't going to truly give themselves over.
I have a hard time with both ideas. First, I don't think we are loved less when we are children and in trouble, I think discipline kicks in and my folks always let me know that I was in trouble because they loved me and wanted me to be a better person. It taught boundaries and levels of expectation but I don't believe that the love was ever less.
As much as I know that many people live their lives with a white lie here and a big one there I try my damnedness not to. I don't feel like that is a way I want to live my life. Will I find a more pleasant way of telling the truth if it could be a bit painful- you bet. I just keep hoping that it'll catch on. I would rather have the truth laid out, even if it hurts a bit, than have someone blow smoke at me over even the smallest thing.
How do you readers feel about something like this?
3 comments:
Unconditional love means just that...no conditions, I believe.
When you add in conditions, the love can change up a bit. An infant with colic can be loved quite a bit less sometimes (conditionally), but if a burglar broke in, the mom and dad will still give their lives unconditionally for the infant, no matter HOW much it's crying.
Adult love is different, as we can communicate the expectations. You just communicated that you'd rather know hurtful truths than to be lied to...and the person telling you the truth has to accept they are hurting you, and also accept any consequences if the love is to remain strong.
So my summary? Love is tough and complicated, but in extreme conditions (there's that word again), true love knows no boundaries.
I too was always given constructive punishment. I always knew the reason why I was being punished and I never doubted for one second that I was loved less because I was being bad.
Unconditional love is the ultimate love. I don't know that we, as imperfect humans, can fully get to unconditional love, but we sure as hell can try. And, of course, this stems a lot off my religious upbringing and the Agape Love that's taught.
I think we can love someone with our whole being. i think that we can find forgiveness for faults that normally we wouldn't forgive. I think through a balance there can be unconditional love shared between two beings that truly have the ultimate love as a goal.
And honesty is always a good policy! ;)
These days I'm inclined to say love is just a waste of time.
I'm so inclined, but I know better.
I think the difficulty with love, really, is that it's not always balanced. That can be a hard thing when one person is loving as unconditionally as possible, giving everything over to this love, and the other person is receiving, but not balancing the equation. It's not that person #1 should love less... but it can be hurtful to learn that what one THOUGHT was an equal attachment is not.
So now the person striving for that unconditional love between two people realizes that he/she will be doing all the unconditional loving and not getting the same thing in return.
In this way, love CAN be conditional. After all, why give over everything to someone who will not, or maybe cannot, respond in kind?
Love is a choice, and that's the bottom line. It's a BETTER choice when two parties are choosing it reciprocally.
It's disastrous when both parties are not. But it doesn't have to be AS disastrous as long as everyone is being honest about depth of feeling and intent.
Liars... well, they're hard to love unconditionally. Pathological liars (with which I have some experience) are even more so.
So... maybe love IS conditional. The condition is... the beloved should be honest, forthright, and communicative about intent. Because that, too, is a kind of love... Loving enough to be honest and open, regardless of the reaction or consequences.
I don't know, really. I have loved and have been loved, but I'm still waiting to BE loved unconditionally.
Maybe someday someone will love me without wanting to change me into something other than what I am.
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